Headaches turn into heartaches

that keep me awake all night,

lying to the ones i love telling them everything's alright...

not intending to push you away, rather keeping you safe from thoughts I've

created...Pulling up the covers, surrounding myself with empty

pillows that make promises to keep me comfort for the time being.

their the ones that keep my thoughts in place..scenarios

replay in my head it's the flesh that wants to win, knowing what

the right thing to do but refusing and contemplating on doing

what i want to do. Feeling disoriented and unhinged because

all i ever knew was how to play two games and knowing all the rules.

making my own descion being a whole person no longer divided up

into two. God help me! i want to serve you! i don't want to do the right thing

...i want to do what it is YOU have called me to do! pick me up

and dust me off i rebuke Romans nine:two for I no longer feel sorrow

rather joy in my heart cause its you  who allows me to start new.